One-liners

TonyCarter

VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
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BlessedSquirrel

We love you Ukraine
OMG! This is so damn true! I’ve been trying to educate my elderly mother (who’s used PCs longer than I have) about the scroll wheel on a mouse to scroll web pages, she’s like “I don’t like it” and moves the cursor to the scroll bar on the right of the page, then pauses for what seems like a few days until her brain computes she’s in the right place, AND THEN SINGLE CLICKS to scroll one bit at a time rather than just click and hold!

It’s the most infuriating thing in the world! Much like not being able to get in the car with her anymore, I can’t be within a 50 mile radius if she’s using a pc!
 

TonyCarter

VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
My dad's the same. Searches for everything by typing 'google' in the address bar (just to bring up the google search page), then types in what he wants and clicks search. Then he sees the result he wants and types that into the address bar!

If he's been searching for multiple items, he won't simply overwrite what's already in the search box, he will delete the current contents ONE LETTER AT A TIME, and type his new search.

All of this despite all his frequent searches being for the same 10 or 20 websites that he has bookmarks for in the toolbar!!!

But then, I suppose he's got nothing better left to do with his remaining years than waste his & my time :p
 

Martinr36

MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
Terrible news coming from Merseyside this evening.

The Birkenhead Tunnel has been closed and the speed limit will be reduced for the foreseeable future to 25mph.
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the tunnel approach recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, has confirmed in their report the problem was NOT Avian Flu but rather the cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts.

However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.

The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"
 
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